Chapter 17
GU FEI SAT BEHIND THE TILL, playing with his phone as he kept an eye on Li Baoguo, who was making his third lap around the shelves. Li Baoguo walked back and forth seemingly without purpose, occasionally glancing toward Gu Fei.
Li Baoguo had stolen from them more than once, so Gu Fei watched him openly every time he came in. But now that he’d met Jiang Cheng, he felt a bit torn between watching and not watching the man.
Li Baoguo wasn’t a thief, per se. Sometimes, when he needed something but had gambled all his money away, he would buy it on credit. Their primary clientele consisted of ordinary, poor folk from the bottom of the barrel, so buying things on credit was common. But Li Baoguo always tried to sneak a bit more… “Hey, Da-Fei…” Li Baoguo’s hand slipped into his thick cotton jacket for a moment before he pulled it out again. He went to the freezer and chose a pack of fish balls, then came to place it on the counter. “Here, can I pay you in a few days? With the stuff from before, too?”
“Mm-hm, sure.” Gu Fei took a notebook from the drawer. He flipped to Li Baoguo’s account and noted as he spoke. “One pack of fish balls, one large bottle of Niulanshan…” “What? I’m not buying any alcohol,” Li Baoguo said awkwardly.
“The one in your pocket.” Gu Fei gave him a look. “Li-shu,(15) try to ease up on the booze. You’re getting forgetful.”
“Oh, right.” Li Baoguo forced a laugh as he patted his pocket. “Right, I got a bottle of erguotou… Give me a pack of Changbaishan too.”
Gu Fei reached behind to grab a ten-stick pack of Changbaishan cigarettes for him, then noted that down as well.
“You have such nice handwriting.” Li Baoguo leaned over and watched.
“Hey, do you know my son?”
“Of course I know Li Hui.”
“Not Li Hui. My youngest, Chengcheng.” Li Baoguo propped his elbow on the counter. “I just got him back. Had to give him up for adoption when he was little, couldn’t afford to raise him back then… He goes to Fourth High, too.
You know him, right?”
Gu Fei nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”
Li Baoguo chortled smugly. “He’s real good at studying, not like Xiao-Hui—a straight-A student, you know about that? You bums are all F students, aren’t you? But my youngest is a good student.”
Gu Fei laughed. “Yup.”
“Got them all down yet? I’ll ask Chengcheng to come by in a few days with the money to pay you.” Li Baoguo glanced over the notebook again and pointed. “I bet his handwriting is better than yours.”
“…Sure.” Gu Fei kept on nodding.
After Li Baoguo went on his merry way, Gu Fei looked down at his words on the page.
He couldn’t vouch for anything else, but Jiang Cheng’s handwriting…hah.
It was so ugly that he could answer everything correctly and the teacher would still dock points out of disgust.
Sometime around noon, his mother came over with a thermal food container. “I made some red braised pork belly.”
“Not going out today?” Gu Fei stood and unfolded a small table. “Did you eat?”
“Where would I go?! Where can I possibly go?!” Her face filled with displeasure. “If I go out with anyone, you’ll leave them half-dead! I’m not eating!”
“Can’t you find a guy who doesn’t beg for a beating?” Gu Fei said.
“Is there anyone you wouldn’t want to beat up? When have you ever seen the good in anyone?!” his mother spat. “You don’t like the looks of any of them.
The only thing you like is your mother staying single for the rest of her life!”
“If you want me to see the good in someone, they need to have some in the first place.” Gu Fei opened the lid of the container, then took out a smaller bowl and dumped half of the pork belly into it.
“Where’s Er-Miao?” his mom asked.
“Out playing. I’ll keep a little for her. She’ll come back and eat when she’s hungry.”
His mother sighed. “Running wild like that all the time, and with a personality like hers… Just looking at her gives me a headache. What’s going to become of her?”
“Don’t look, then.” Gu Fei sat and began to eat.
She stared at him for a while. “You should go down there today,” she suddenly said.
“Where?” Gu Fei asked as he ate another chunk of meat, even though he knew what she was talking about.
“Don’t you remember what day it is?” His mother slammed a hand against the table. “Your father’s only been dead for how long, and you’ve already forgotten?”
“It’s been pretty long,” Gu Fei said.
His mother glared at him wordlessly. After some time, she pulled out a tissue and wiped her tears.
Gu Fei could never understand how she felt toward her late husband.
When he was alive, they fought every day; after they fought, he would beat her;
after he beat her, she would beg the heavens to hurry up and take this man to his next life. But ever since he died, she would cry at the mere mention of him.
Sometimes her crying even seemed sincere, as if she really was broken up inside.
“I went to the cemetery two days ago,” Gu Fei said as he ate.
“It’s no use! I told you, the cemetery’s no use!” His mother looked at him.
“You have to go to the place where he died, or he won’t be at peace! How many times do I have to say it?! If you won’t go, I will!”
Gu Fei sighed. “I’ll go in the afternoon.”
“Burn him some offerings.” His mother dabbed at her tears. “That dumbass is so good at losing money, I bet he has to beg for food on the other side.”
“Stay in the store this afternoon,” Gu Fei said. “And don’t touch the money. If you do, I’ll tell the king of hell that I’m burning fake bills for him.”
His mother glared at him. “…Crazy bastard!”
***
The lake where his father died was a considerable distance away. It was an abandoned spot that had been roped off to build a small park, apparently, though nobody ever touched it. Since there were no residential areas nearby, very few people ever visited. The water had all but dried up in recent years, so even fewer people went; in winter, not a single person could be seen.
If the lake had been as dry then as it was now, or if the water had frozen more solidly that winter’s day…his dad wouldn’t have died.
But… When he had described Li Baoguo to Jiang Cheng, his mind wandered— he was distracted. It felt like he was telling someone about his own father.
Sometimes, Gu Fei was too scared to let himself think. He was afraid of facing the truth that, in his heart of hearts, he’d once wished so ardently for the man’s death—and to this day, given a second chance, he’d still want him dead.
His heart and this lake…he didn’t want to approach either of them. If his mother didn’t insist on him coming here to burn paper offerings every year, he’d never go anywhere near it.
After he walked out the front door, it was a left turn around the little factory and straight onward. There were no turns or forks in the road. Once you reached the dead end, you were there.
It was already deserted when he went around the factory. There was nothing but ruin and desolation as far as the eye could see; it was so bleak, it felt like another dimension.
Gu Fei pulled his cap low and hid his face behind his mask, then put on his earmuffs. Maybe it was the lack of buildings and flatness of the area, or perhaps it was just his unease, but he felt cold. No matter where the wind came from, the chill seemed to seep into his bones and spread from the inside out, layer by layer.
There wasn’t much snow this year, but since there was nobody to clear it away, it still blanketed the ground. The faint crunch with each step was enough to make his heart pound hard in his chest.
He walked for a while before looking down and noticing another set of footprints. Surprised, he turned around to look in the direction he came. There were indeed two sets of footprints, heading in but not out.
Someone else had come to the lake at this time of year.
He frowned.
He didn’t want to be seen burning offerings at the lake. He didn’t want anyone to think he harbored any kind of remorse. He felt no remorse—only fear.
It wasn’t a large lake, but the wind was much more aggressive near the banks. It clawed at his face so harshly that it hurt his eyes. Gu Fei walked through the sparse woods, stepping through the wild brush as he reached the lakeside. The pair of footprints from earlier disappeared in the shards of ice. He looked left and right but saw no one. After a moment’s hesitation, he peered into the lake, though the lakebed was exposed in many places. No one was in there, either. Of course, even if someone stepped through the ice and fell in now…this lake could no longer drown anyone, only make them freeze to death.
Gu Fei found a tree and crouched next to its trunk. Chucking down the bag he held, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He didn’t want to walk further inward along the lake. He was going to wait this out. Anyone who came in or out would have to pass this place; he decided to wait until whoever it was went by before burning his offerings.
But after almost twenty minutes, when he feared he might freeze if he didn’t at least twitch or make a sound, he still didn’t see anyone come out.
“Fuck.”
He hesitated, then put out his cigarette and picked up the bag. His only option was to walk further in: partially to see who was there, and partially to find a more secluded spot.
After a few hundred yards, Gu Fei heard a crisp crack echo from the center of the lake. It didn’t sound like a natural crack in the ice, but one caused by someone’s footstep or some other kind of impact. He quickly turned to look at the center of the lake, but he saw no one and nothing.
All was quiet.
A chill went down his spine. He whipped around to check behind himself.
There was nobody there, nor anything…suspicious.
Before he could right himself, another crack came from the surface of the lake. He turned again—his head could fall off from all the twisting. Again, he saw nothing. But this time, the sound was more muffled.
He slowly backed away and leaned against a tree. It was a bit childish, but putting his back against something tangible and solid gave him some sense of security.
He kept his eye trained on the surface of the lake. A few seconds later, he saw a tiny, rock-like thing fly out from the cluster of dead brush by the lake, about a hundred yards away.
It hit the ice. This time, the sound it made wasn’t a crisp crack, but a dull thunk.
Was someone throwing stones? Were they that bored? Judging by the speed of the projectile, though, it didn’t seem like it had been thrown by hand.
Gu Fei tugged his jacket close and slowly ambled in that direction. He’d gone about twenty yards when he spotted a figure moving around in a cove formed by the lake’s edge. Though the tall, withered grass almost hid them, he could tell that it was a person.
Not a ghost.
He felt ridiculous for being so scared of some bored stranger throwing stones at the lakeside. Absurd. He still let out a sigh of relief, though. Instead of going any further, he backed up into the woods. He intended to wait for them to leave—and he wanted to see what they were doing.
The person didn’t notice him walking over. They bent down, appeared to pick something up, then stretched one arm forward while the other pulled back.
A dark object flew out with a swoosh and hit the ice.
Thunk.
Gu Fei realized at once that they were using a slingshot. The person’s clothes seemed a bit…familiar. He peered through the grass more carefully, then stiffened.
Jiang Cheng?
That was the coat he’d worn when they fought the other day—the ugly-as-fuck one with two stripes of gray and white across the chest about a hand’s-breadth wide.
Gu Fei looked around. There was nobody else here. Jiang Cheng had found this place all on his own? And then started slingshot target practice on the ice? For a top student, he was quite the romantic, spending his free time out here playing with his slingshot rather than studying at home.
Gu Fei lit another cigarette and put it in his mouth as he watched Jiang Cheng.
He appeared to be using pebbles, but since the lakeside was frosted over, they weren’t easy to find. Every time he bent down, he spent ages digging around. Sometimes he had to kick at the ground to find one.
After watching for some time, Gu Fei reckoned Jiang Cheng was in a sour mood again. He kept kicking as if he was raring for a fight—he could almost see the flames rolling off him.
Four or five shots in, Gu Fei was astonished. He felt for his glasses in his inner pocket and put them on so he could see properly. Jiang Cheng was aiming at the same spot each time! His target was about thirty yards from the bank, but he managed to hit it squarely every time, enough to bore a hole in the ice.
Pretty impressive.
Lots of people played with slingshots. Out of the ones Gu Fei knew, many bragged about how accurate they were, how skilled—several claimed they could hit a chicken from seventy yards away. But this was his first time seeing it with his own eyes: someone actually shooting stones into the same spot a dozen times in a row.
After a while, Jiang Cheng stopped. He bent down, gouging and kicking at the ground for a long time without getting up—out of stones, probably. He paced in the same place several times, then walked in Gu Fei’s direction. Gu Fei quickly drew back and crouched behind a tree.
“Fuck!” Jiang Cheng shouted angrily; he still couldn’t find a good stone.
His voice was loud, and having been carried over by the wind, Gu Fei heard him distinctly. He was out of stones, so it was probably time for him to leave.
But Jiang Cheng didn’t leave. He stared down at the ground and struck it with his foot, kicking away a layer of snow to discover another patch of pebbles.
Gu Fei sighed.
Jiang Cheng picked up a few and stuffed them into his coat pocket. He glanced at the lakeside, then turned away. After steadying himself for a few seconds, he turned and lifted his arms, shooting out a stone.
Clang. It struck a thin steel rod in the distance, sticking out of the ground.
Damn.
Gu Fei was astounded. If he hadn’t been wearing glasses, he wouldn’t have even seen that steel rod.
Jiang Cheng turned and took a few steps to the side, then spun around again and pelted the steel rod with yet another stone. It hit its target and cracked into pieces.
“Oh, yeah!” Jiang Cheng clapped, then raised the slingshot in his hand and waved all around, bowing in a circle. “Thank you, thank you.”
Managing to keep his laughter in check, Gu Fei slowly retreated even further. If Jiang Cheng noticed him now, the ensuing fight would probably flatten all the trees in the vicinity.
“Contestant Jiang Cheng has decided to up the difficulty! He’s decided to rise to the challenge once again! Woooohooo!” Jiang Cheng narrated fervently as he drew another two stones from his pocket. This time, he didn’t turn away from the steel rod. He aimed directly at it and pulled.
Gu Fei heard two sounds almost simultaneously:
Clang! Thump!
He’d shot two stones at the same time. One hit the target; the other missed and struck the ground.
“Ah, what a shame.” Jiang Cheng took another stone from his pocket as he spoke. “Coach Why, do you think it was a one-off miscalculation, or is this just beyond his skill level?”
Coach Why? It took a long moment for Gu Fei to realize he meant Coach Y.
“I think he still has room for improvement.” Jiang Cheng pulled the sling back again. “He seems to be going for a different challenge this time… Will he lower the difficulty, or continue…?”
He released his arm and the stone went flying. Before Gu Fei could make it out, Jiang Cheng followed with another pull—a second stone shot out, too, then a third.
Clang, clang, clang!
All three hit their target.
Gu Fei watched Jiang Cheng’s back. Were the situation different, he really would’ve wanted to clap for Jiang Cheng. It wasn’t just the accuracy; it was the graceful flourish of his movements. If Li Yan watched this on mute, he wouldn’t say another word about not liking the look of him.
But at the end of such an impressive display, Jiang Cheng didn’t applaud himself, nor wave and bow. He stood in place without a single word. After a moment, he lowered his head and sank slowly into a squat, cradling his head with both arms.
Gu Fei was baffled. Was he method acting or something? But he soon realized Jiang Cheng’s shoulders were gently shaking.
He was crying.
Gu Fei smoked his final two puffs and stubbed out the cigarette by his foot. Then he got up to leave, walking further inward along the lake. He wasn’t interested in watching this. Watching for a laugh was fine, but spying on someone else’s pain, seeing a firecracker of a guy break down and cry—there was no fun in that.
It wasn’t possible to walk in a full circle around the lake. It had a boundary: Up ahead was a hill shaped like a rotten yam. That was the farthest Gu Fei could go. He found a small clearing and spent ten minutes starting a fire.
Then, he retrieved the bundles of joss paper from his bag and tossed them into the flames.
Some were golden, some yellow, and some patterned; their face value went from nil to hundreds of billions, enough to suit a spirit’s every need.
Gu Fei watched the leaping flames. He stretched his hands over the fire to toast them.
He was meant to say something at a time like this. Others would say things like Come collect the money, we’re all fine here, don’t worry, tell us if you need more and we’ll make sure it’s enough… But if he had to speak, he wouldn’t know what to say.
In silence, he watched the flames flicker and shift colors as they rose through the thick smog, swaying in the wind like a waving hand before gradually thinning out. At last, all that was left was a bluish-black wisp of smoke.
Gu Fei picked up a fallen branch and dragged it through the fire. Charred scraps of joss paper sparked and floated into the air, then all was calm again.
He stood and kicked some loose snow to cover the sooty embers before turning to go.
***
Every year, once this day was over, Gu Fei would feel himself lighten.
Now the days returned to familiar dullness: minding the store, watching over Gu Miao as she hopped all over the street like a rabbit, attending school and sitting through boring lessons, playing his stupid Aixiaochu, and observing Lao-Xu’s valiant efforts to rescue him from the so-called darkness.
Jiang Cheng didn’t cry by the lake for very long that day. By the time Gu Fei returned after burning his offerings, he was gone. When Gu Fei saw him at school, Jiang Cheng seemed no different. He was still cocksure and covered in prickly thorns, listening to lessons slumped over his desk—occasionally with his eyes shut or half-open as he wrote down his notes.
They didn’t disturb each other in class. They didn’t really have much to say. However, whenever Gu Fei thought of Jiang Cheng’s performance by the lake, he worried he might actually laugh out loud.
“Da-Fei.” Zhou Jing leaned against their desk. “Da-Fei? Da—” Jiang Cheng picked up a book and thwacked Zhou Jing in the head with it, impatience written all over his face. He lowered his voice and said, “Just say whatever the fuck you have to say! Hasn’t anyone ever beat you up for that before?!”
“Fuck!” Zhou Jing held his head and scowled at him, then looked at Gu Fei. “Da-Fei, I heard something when I went to Xu-zong’s office today. He said the school’s starting the spring basketball tournament next month.”
“Dunno anything about that,” Gu Fei said.
“Are you in? You’re our class’s only hope. If you don’t join, we’ll lose for sure.”
Gu Fei pointed at him. “Leave me alone.”
Zhou Jing turned back and slouched over his own desk.
Jiang Cheng grew distracted. A spring basketball tournament? Next month? Did March count as spring?
At the thought of basketball tournaments, he grew wistful. When he recalled his basketball days in his old school, the memories came with other, less happy thoughts. Yet he couldn’t resist thinking about those times he ran freely across the court. Against the present, those were memories that glowed.
[15] Shu or shushu is a term of address for an older man roughly a generation above the speaker.