Chapter 24
YAN JUN’S FIRST THOUGHT when he awoke was, Oh no, I blacked out. “What happened last night?”
“Huh?” Zheng Weize glanced at Chen Hong, who was still fast asleep. “Nothing happened.”
Yan Jun’s head was buzzing. He hadn’t been that drunk in a long time. “I didn’t do anything weird, did I?” he asked, embarrassed.
“Nope,” Zheng Weize said quickly.
Chen Hong woke up and blearily said, “I’m going back to my room now.”
“I’m so sorry.” Yan Jun felt terrible. Had he ruined everyone’s New Year celebration?
“No, no. It’s really nothing!” Zheng Weize insisted. “Oh yeah! Is it time for Xiao-Qi’s milk?”
“I’ll do it. Thank you, Weize.” It looked like Zheng Weize and Chen Hong had taken care of him all night long. Yan Jun was touched.
“I didn’t do much, actually. I was…sleeping. But Yuwen came over a few times,” Zheng Weize said apprehensively. He wasn’t sure if he should be telling Yan Jun this, but Yan Jun just hummed an acknowledgment, his expression unchanged. “Chen Hong and I fell asleep, but it seems like Yuwen didn’t sleep all night.”
Yan Jun looked out the open door to Zhang Yuwen’s door, which was also open. It was quiet inside.
It was true: Zhang Yuwen had had a busy night.
He didn’t understand it. Why did Huo Sichen and Yan Jun start drinking together? And Huo Sichen even cried afterward… Of course, that might not have been related; Huo Sichen’s emotional release could have just been a consequence of his sake binge.
The whole night, Zhang Yuwen heard Chen Hong’s snores from the room opposite. Zheng Weize also seemed to sleep like the dead. So once he’d taken care of Huo Sichen, he went over to check on Yan Jun and, more importantly, Xiao-Qi—in case Yan Jun puked on her in the middle of the night or crushed her in his sleep. While Xiao-Qi no longer needed nighttime feeding, she was still prone to waking during the night.
As a motherless child, Xiao-Qi was very sensible, possessing calm and maturity far beyond her years. She understood that crying was futile when she woke up in the night, because her exhausted father usually wouldn’t stir. Her only options for entertaining herself in the dark were to keep her eyes open or crawl around. But that night, Zhang Yuwen came and sat down to hold her, lulling her back to sleep.
So Zhang Yuwen spent the night going back and forth between the two rooms, navigating around the unreliable Zheng Weize and Chen Hong, who were dead to the world. He only managed to drift off to sleep just before daybreak, and he hadn’t even slept three hours when Huo Sichen woke up.
Zhang Yuwen rolled over in Huo Sichen’s arms, and Huo Sichen hugged him from behind and watched him sleeping soundly, not daring to move or breathe. His heart pounded so hard it felt like the whole world was resonating with it. In his pajamas, Zhang Yuwen exuded the unique, clean vitality of youth. Hormones slowly diffused in the confines of the small room, acting like a peculiar boundary: This was another male’s territory. It was a domain that carried the dignity of its owner even as it granted Huo Sichen entrance and tacit permission to run wild within. It was different from a woman’s natural tenderness and unconditional inclusion and acceptance. This acceptance was conditional; the conditions made Huo Sichen tense and excited, and this stimulation transformed into a desire to explore deeper.
Zhang Yuwen stirred again. Huo Sichen, still half asleep himself, was pressed up against him. If this continued, Zhang Yuwen would probably wake up. Huo Sichen reeked of alcohol, and he knew he had to get going to clean himself up.
He got up, and before long, Zhang Yuwen woke. He held his blanket and sat up in a bleary daze.
“Didn’t sleep well last night?” Huo Sichen couldn’t remember what had happened at all. His last memory was of telling the waiter, “Bring me another bottle of this.”
Zhang Yuwen yawned. He wanted to punch someone. “What do you think?” he retorted.
With a toothbrush in his mouth, Huo Sichen stepped out of the bathroom and raised a dashing brow at Zhang Yuwen. He went back to rinse his mouth, then said, “I didn’t say anything strange last night, did I?”
Zhang Yuwen stared at him.
Now that he’d sobered up, Huo Sichen had reverted to his usual suave persona. “Hm?”
“No,” said Zhang Yuwen, equal parts amused and exasperated.
“Where’s Yan Jun?”
“He got drunk too. Why did you guys drink so much?”
Huo Sichen spread his hands. He didn’t know why either. “It just happened while we were talking. Maybe because we’re both youngest sons from big families? We have common ground.” Getting trashed was embarrassing, but it was usually also satisfying…though not for the person who had to play caretaker.
By ten o’clock, everyone was awake and in the common area, enjoying the breakfast the resort had provided. “Free time today?” said Zheng Weize. “We still have one more night.”
“No more drinking today,” Chang Jinxing said lightly.
As Huo Sichen observed them all, he noticed that Zhang Yuwen looked different. Everyone else was in high spirits, but Zhang Yuwen looked exhausted. It was the kind of exhaustion that made him look liable to flip the table and go berserk.
“Did you take care of me all night?” Huo Sichen whispered.
So you finally noticed, Zhang Yuwen thought. Out loud, he replied, “Nah. I fell asleep pretty quickly.” Huo Sichen was puzzled, but he nodded. Yan Jun grinned knowingly at Zhang Yuwen. “No more drinking tonight,” said Zhang Yuwen. “Because of you two, we missed the fireworks.”
“I’ll set off one for your eyes only.” Huo Sichen made a suggestive gesture like fireworks going off, and everyone laughed.
“Shall we go to the park later?” Chang Jinxing suggested. “I checked the travel guide last night. There are plenty of places we can go to have fun in the mountains.”
“Sure!” Zheng Weize was the most fun-loving of them all. Realizing belatedly that this might not be a good time to appear so enthusiastic, he cooled his expression and said, “Oh.”
After a simple breakfast, the group set out together, taking the resort’s shuttle bus to the park at the foot of the mountain. The sun was shining brightly on the first day of the new year, and with the rising temperature, the snow had melted. Green pines lined the roads on their way over.
Now that he’d had two cups of coffee, Zhang Yuwen finally felt like himself again.
“Deer!” Zheng Weize exclaimed in delight. “So many of them!” A herd of deer had appeared in the park. The place was packed with tourists, and numerous stalls set up at the side of the park sold crackers for the deer.
“Be careful,” Zhang Yuwen warned him. “Don’t underestimate these deer.”
Chang Jinxing went over with his camera to take photos, and Zheng Weize looked for deer to play with. The deer here weren’t skittish around people; when they saw visitors, they gathered to ask for food.
“Don’t let Xiao-Qi get too close,” Zhang Yuwen told Yan Jun.
“I know!” said Yan Jun. “I’ve been here before.” He held Xiao-Qi in his arms to let her look at the deer.
The group dispersed in the park. Huo Sichen bought some crackers for the deer and handed them to Zhang Yuwen, who chuckled and said, “The deer here are mischievous. Greedy, too.”
“They can be aggressive, especially the males,” Huo Sichen said.
“Be careful not to provoke the males.”
Zhang Yuwen cautiously fed the crackers to a few fawns who had strayed from the herd. “I was attacked by one when I was little. It almost knocked me to the ground.”
Huo Sichen laughed, “I was also… Eh?” He trailed off, seeming to remember something. He looked at Zhang Yuwen, then the deer.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think…I made a friend in this park when I was very young,” Huo Sichen said.
“Oh, really? Oh!” A memory surfaced in Zhang Yuwen’s mind too.
“Yeah, I remember! My grandparents brought me here, I think, when I was four… Yeah, that’s right!”
Zhang Yuwen stopped feeding the fawns, but several more deer came over to join them. Huo Sichen drove them away.
“That year, I pestered my grandfather to bring me here to feed the deer,” Zhang Yuwen went on, immersed in his memories. “He didn’t want to leave the resort, though, so the couple in the next room over brought me here.”
“Were there two brothers in that family? One nine years old, one seven?”
“I think so? Yeah! Was it in the spring?”
Huo Sichen gave Zhang Yuwen an earnest smile.
“Was it you?” Zhang Yuwen asked incredulously. “You and your brother?”
“My memories are hazy.”
“What a magical coincidence, if that really was you,” Zhang Yuwen marveled.
“I only remember that my father rarely took me and my brother out to play, so that day left a deep impression on me. I think…I think I was attacked, yeah.”
“Yeah! The younger brother was knocked over by a deer when he tried to protect me.”
Huo Sichen laughed. “Was I that weak then?”
“There were a few of them,” Zhang Yuwen told him. “Yeah, it was two brothers. The older one came and chased the deer away. The younger one hit a rock and ended up bleeding from the head.” He made Huo Sichen come closer so he could check his scalp, but sustaining an injury that young was unlikely to leave a scar.
“Find a scar?” Huo Sichen laughed. “I guess not.”
Zhang Yuwen smiled, still absorbed in those memories. Every time he glanced at Huo Sichen, Huo Sichen was watching him with a smile in his eyes.
“So, fate is predetermined by heaven,” Huo Sichen said. “I can’t believe I met you when I was seven. But why didn’t we write to each other after we went back?”
Zhang Yuwen’s memory was fuzzy. It had been more than twenty years ago. “You said you didn’t live in Jiangdong when we parted ways. I was only four, I didn’t understand anything.”
“Yeah.” Huo Sichen thought about it. “After that trip, my father took us abroad.”
“There should be photos somewhere.”
“I’ll ask my brother to go back and look for them. We moved house a few times, though, so it’s possible we don’t have them anymore.” He took out his phone and sent a message to his older brother across the ocean. His brother replied with a promise to find them when he had the time.
More details were coming to Zhang Yuwen, but further away, chaos had erupted. A deer was tugging on Chang Jinxing’s camera, and Zheng Weize was calling for help. It looked like the incident at Elephant Gorge was about to repeat itself. Zhang Yuwen and Huo Sichen rushed over to help and used the crackers to lure the deer away.
Elsewhere, in a sunny spot, Xiao-Qi was having a great time. Still in Yan Jun’s arms, she petted a quiet, docile fawn.
Chang Jinxing took a lot of pictures. Afterward, the group set off for a nearby temple to pray for the new year. There were few people around at one in the afternoon. The main hall had paper slips for making wishes, and after they donated money for incense, each of them received a slip, wrote their wishes at the counter, and went to tie it to the tree outside.
“What did you wish for?” Huo Sichen asked.
“We aren’t supposed to show each other,” said Zhang Yuwen.
“But we can see it after we tie it up,” Huo Sichen deadpanned.
“Does your wish have anything to do with me?”
Zhang Yuwen gave in and showed it to him. “I wished for your career.”
“How did you know?” Huo Sichen asked, looking stunned.
“Know what? Let me see yours.”
Zhang Yuwen tried to get Huo Sichen’s slip, but Huo Sichen wouldn’t show it to him. “What did I say when I was drunk last night?”
“Nothing. Isn’t it normal to make a wish for someone’s career?
Come on, show me,” Zhang Yuwen insisted. Huo Sichen remained silent.
“You must have wished for yourself…” He grabbed Huo Sichen’s slip, took a look, and returned it to him, smiling.
“I made a wish for you too,” said Huo Sichen. His wish slip said, May Zhang Yuwen have a good marriage.
What’s that supposed to mean? Zhang Yuwen wondered. He figured that it probably made some kind of sense in Huo Sichen’s mind.
As they hung up their wish slips, Zhang Yuwen’s curiosity got the better of him. He peeked at his roommates’ colorful slips—pink was for marriage, yellow for health, blue for career, and gold for wealth.
Yan Jun’s was yellow. It said, May everyone I love stay healthy.
Chen Hong was for his career: Here’s hoping I can reach new heights next year.
Chang Jinxing’s: Get rich overnight in the new year!
And finally, Zheng Weize’s: I wish for all of us to live happily together forever.
When they saw Zheng Weize’s wish, a vaguely guilty silence fell over the rest of them.
“I’ll treat everyone to lunch today,” Zheng Weize announced, smiling.
“Sure!” said Chang Jinxing, bright despite the awkward vibe.
Zheng Weize treated them to pizza from the shopping street outside the temple, and afterward, they split up to walk around. Chang Jinxing had his camera around his neck, and he seemed to have made up with Zheng Weize, who kept getting Chang Jinxing to take photos of him. The others didn’t intrude on them. Yan Jun and Chen Hong walked together, Xiao-Qi once again fast asleep in her stroller.
Zhang Yuwen, for his part, was too sleepy to walk around. He chose a warm, grassy spot near the garden and had Huo Sichen sit down so he could rest his head on Huo Sichen’s lap and sleep.
“You didn’t sleep last night, did you?” Huo Sichen asked.
Zhang Yuwen covered his face with his jacket to shield himself from the winter sun. “Is your career not going well?”
Huo Sichen thought for a moment. “I’m considering a job change. I can’t work with my current partner anymore.”
“A partnership is like a marriage. Over time, people change.”
“An apt analogy. As expected of a writer.”
Zhang Yuwen didn’t answer. He was waiting for Huo Sichen to share more of his own accord. If they really wanted to be together, this level of mutual understanding was necessary. He decided he would eventually tell Huo Sichen about his real financial situation, too, but not just yet.
He could tell that Huo Sichen was proud. It wasn’t obvious from his usual behavior, but a big part of his self-confidence stemmed from his career, wealth, and social experience. So Zhang Yuwen kept reminding himself to tread lightly so as not to step on his ego.
Eventually, Huo Sichen said, “When I think about my expenses, I find it hard to make a decision.”
“You don’t live extravagantly, though.” Zhang Yuwen smiled. “Or is there someone else helping you spend your money?”
“I still have a mortgage to pay off. And I also want to give you a better life.”
Zhang Yuwen was touched. He could tell that Huo Sichen’s feelings were genuine, because Zhang Yuwen himself had said the same words to his ex. A man’s love was, for the most part, pragmatic; it was mainly reflected in his considerations for the future, including how to give his lover a better life, what kind of family to build, and how to ensure they could stay together without the other suffering.
“I don’t spend that much,” said Zhang Yuwen.
“You lead a simple and frugal life. Your inner world is strong and rich, but I still hope… Anyway, I’m still thinking it over.”
“Changing jobs?”
“Yeah. I don’t want to speak ill of my partner. We’ve known each other for a long time, after all. No matter how bad the mess is, it’s of my own making. It’s pointless to pretend otherwise. All I want to do now is to split on good terms.”
The way Huo Sichen thought was similar to Zhang Yuwen. They shared a lot of values. “If it really bothers you, you can consider giving up your shares. Is your company listed?”
“No. I’ve been thinking about that too.”
“What are the shares valued at?”
“Nearly two million.”
“Your partner isn’t likely to buy out your shares with hard cash,” Zhang Yuwen said. “The more you drag it out, the uglier it will get. It’s better to give it up earlier.”
“You know a lot,” Huo Sichen commented.
“It’s just common sense.”
Huo Sichen held Zhang Yuwen’s hands under the coat. “To most people, two million is not a small amount.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Zhang Yuwen’s monthly investment income was over two million. Now he was wondering, Was I too casual about that?
“Another problem,” Huo Sichen continued, “is that if I leave this company, I’ll have to find a new job, and I can’t get a satisfactory annual salary in CTO-level positions with the market how it currently is. You know, the economic downturn and all…” “Oh? Have you been sending out your resume?”
“No, my position is usually filled through referrals from industry peers. The market rate is only approximately twenty-six or twenty-seven thousand.”
“That’s a lot!” Zhang Yuwen said quickly, trying to make up for his earlier composure. Then he added, “My salary is only a fraction of yours.”
“It’s different for you,” Huo Sichen said offhandedly.
“Huh?”
“I mean, you don’t have that many expenses. I still have a monthly mortgage of over ten thousand, and then there are the daily expenses too,” Huo Sichen explained. Zhang Yuwen wanted to ask if he had any savings, but he held himself back. “Anyway, that makes it hard for me to decide.”
“A new job at a new company won’t necessarily be better than the old one,” Zhang Yuwen said.
“Yeah, all crows under the sun are black.”
At this point, Zhang Yuwen was so sleepy he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He rolled over and fell asleep.